Thoughts At Night

I lay in bed looking at the ceiling. Lonely... even in the midst of company and friends. I lay and take a gaze out the window and look at the stars. Wondering what you are doing, how you are feeling, how you are doing, and if you are thinking about me. Maybe all thoughts I shouldn't think but real thoughts nonetheless. They say if you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. At the end of the day faith and acceptance are 2 main components for peace when you experience a break-up. Faith that the current situation is best and acceptance that you just may NOT be the one. I mean no one wants to be a hinderance to someone they love right? When you truly love someone you have to be willing to let them go so they can find true happiness even if it isn't with you and know that if it is meant to be it will be. Often times we try to fight to hold onto someone not realizing all that fighting is pushing them farther away. I had to learn this. At the end of the day no matter what you do or say, if someone wants to leave then they will. If they want to stay, they will. It's a matter of choices. It is also said in God's word (Revelation 3:7) ... What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know that whatever God is doing it is his will to do. Time apart or just complete closure is necessary. I'm not sure what will be. Whether we will cross paths again or part ways forever. I do know that right now a day let alone forever seems way too long.

I'm learning to be honest with myself. I've learned that I made plenty of mistakes and acted and reacted in certain ways for many different reasons. They definitely weren't the best but I am happy that I finally have gained the courage to see myself in the mirror with intense clarity. Even if it means that parts of me are ugly.

When I think of you... I get sad. Thinking of memories once shared. The good times and even the not so good. Wondering why it could never work. Wondering why we just messed it all up. Yes WE. Today I saw a commercial for the 'Alice in Wonderland' preview and asked someone if they wanted to see that. They said no. Immediately I thought that 'Alice in Wonderland' is a movie I KNOW you would want to see. Simply, because that's your thing. I realized that some things will only be fit for us and I can never get those times from someone else nor would I want to. Everyone has their place and time. I wonder if your place and time in my life really has ended. Or if this time away is really just a step in the healing process which will lead us back to at least being TRUE friends.

::Sigh:: I honestly don't know what the future holds. But I know through the process I am airing out laundry and figuring out exactly where I am in Love's House. 'In The Meantime' has been helping me a lot. I guess in the meantime of this break-up, lessons need to be learned and getting to know my true self is on the horizon.

I miss you. No doubt about that... These are my thoughts at night.

-Heartbreak Kid