So... most people who know me know that I am a lover. I think love, I speak love, I breathe love. So I been trying to figure out some things about me and what it takes to love someone like me. We as people know what it takes to be in a relationship but do we actually want to put in that amount of work and effort? A good portion of us don't. It's sad but we feel like we can just get into another situation and hope that we get the results we hoped for in the last situation.
After some introspective thought there are a few things I need in a relationship. These aren't in any particular order but just some things I feel are important.
The person I am in a committed relationship with needs to have the following:
1. A Relationship with GOD and a respect for a higher power. Do you think we just showed up here one day? I need someone who has a belief in GOD and a true relationship with him. Life is meaningless without him so if you don't have that we will never work. We cannot be unequally yolked.
2. Please have goals. I consider myself to be a pretty ambitious person. I have many dreams that I plan to catch. I can't be with someone who expects the world to fall in their lap with no effort. Please have goals and work to attain them. I am not saying have all this money but have a fulfilling life doing something you love and believe in. Don't stay at home with your mother, eatin up all her food, pursuing a rap career that may never pop with no plans to move out. LOL. Not bragging but I work hard. I have 2 degrees and a book. I need someone with that same drive.
3. DO NOT BE INSECURE. Please love yourself. I love myself and am learning to love me more daily. Please don't think you can control who I talk to, where I go, what I'm doing, etc. Simply because I'm not going to do it to you. Be secure enough to trust me because I am going to trust you unless you give me a reason not to. Have some confidence. Let your attributes shine through.
4. Be able to communicate. We need to be able to talk about everything under the sun. From aliens, to flowers, to nothing at all. We need to be able to express ourselves good, bad, indifferent. Please be able to have healthy debate with me. We are different people. I am not going to force you to think like me, and I don't want you to do that either. Some things are ok to just agree to disagree on.
Note: PLEASE DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE VULNERABLE! I want to know how you feel about me. Let me know that you miss me, that you're thinking of me, that you want me... whatever it is. Share it with me. Why hold it in. Don't be hard with me because I surely won't be that way with you. Know that I am a lover and if I am with you I am going to love you deeply and purely. Don't be scared to do the same for me. I will take the utmost care of your heart.
5. Be SEXUALLY open. I can't deal with a person who is not willing to explore every option there is. Why do you think people end up cheating? Because their partner is boring and effortless. Or just simply closed minded. We should be comfortable enough with each other to explore every part of each other mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
6. Please be romantic. I am a very romantic person. I believe that going the extra mile for your significant other is kinda mandatory. Please don't think that a dinner and movie date every friday is romance. I mean that is all well and good but lets try some new things. Like wine tasting. Picnics in the park or on the beach. Surprise emails, phone calls, love letters, somethin! Don't get complacent with me because I'm not going to be complacent with you. Complacency kills relationships. Don't think because you have been with someone for years that they aren't gonna go anywhere or that you don't have to go the extra mile sometimes. We all want to feel admired, appreciated, and loved. Don't let the romance in the relationship become exhausted.
NOTE: MONEY IS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME. I mean don't be cheap but at the same time buying me is not necessary. Life is more meaningful than things. I don't need a lot of material. Just let me have you! I want you, your thoughts, your laughter, your time, etc. I'm not a Gold Digger as far as things. I am a Gold Digger for hearts. ((Read the book for the poem lol))
7. Have balance. I want to spend as much time with my significant other as possible but some time a part is ok. Do your thing even if that means being by yourself. I don't mind it. I am a person who needs their space. I get a little claustrophobic sometimes. So let me breathe as I will let you breathe. We don't have to talk alllllllll dayyyyy and night. Just hit me up let me know how you are and I am good. I'm not a clingy woman. Let's just have a balance between our time, friend/family time and alone time.
8. Accept me as I am. I am such a T Shirt and Jeans girl. I love love love sneakers. I like wearing skirts and pretty things but I am a very relaxed girl. I like exuding my natural beauty so you are not going to catch me with makeup and all that on. I HAVE LOCS please accept it. Not knockin perms and weave but that is not me. So if you want that find it! I want someone who actually loves T for T. I am gonna love you for you and accept you. I mean I will do things to make myself appealing to you but let me be me when I do it. Thanks. lol.
9. I LOOK! Please be ok with that. If i see someone beautiful I will say he or she is beautiful. I don't have any cut cards when it comes to that. At the end of the day I know who I am "going home with" so to speak. There is nothing wrong with looking. We are human not blind. Don't be mad if i look. My eyes are big. I'm lookin! Period. lol.
10. Hmm lastly... but not particularly in order. BE MY FRIEND. Love me as a friend. Be there for me, support me, encourage my dreams and plans, and trust me I am definitely going to do the same for you. I should be able to talk to you about more than us. This kinda goes back to point number 4. Lets be able to joke around, have fun, travel, act silly, have pillow fights, etc. Let's have fun in this thing. Everything doesn't have to be so serious.
Extra Note: Please understand I have flaws. Just like I know you do. Hopefully they will be flaws you can deal with. I curse! lol... I am very sarcastic, I am a neat freak, I like things in order etc... Same way my significant other may do things I don't like like, leave things all over the place... leave shoes by the door, whatever it is! lol... Just lets realize we are human and accept those beautifully human flaws.
I think that about covers it. I think these things are so basic. But people just are lazy. Get back to effort folks.
Peace!
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