Try As I Might
Try as I might this thing never worked...
I gave all I could and it still ended
Time after time... arguments, fights...
Jealousy, rage...
Who is right? Who is wrong?
Neither.
Overprotective, Insecure...
Immaturity, foolishness...
Who is weak? Who is strong?
Neither.
Why is it when I speak it seems as if my words become muted?
Why do you talk for no reason?
Words without actions are dead.
I judge those by what they do.
Not what they say...
Lies told, empty promises...
'I will change, I will change! Please take me back!"
Here I go again, a victim of your trap.
I can't for the life of me understand why you are like this!
Hot & Cold... Up & Down...
Stability nonexistent...
Maybe I was blind...
I didn't see the warning signs.
You were single when I met you & why?
Could it be because your temper is like a monsoon
sweeping over a nation?
Could it be that you aren't at all in tune with who you are?
Is it that I was blinded by aesthetics?
A trophy huh?
Nice to look at yet holds no real value...
Irrelevant conversations, no patience, no imagination.
Just time wasted... Come on let's face it.
Years down the drain, no progress or love made mentally or physically...
My needs ignored... you run and tell people how horrible I am...
Yet you stayed... it wasn't that bad right?
No. It was damned good... good for YOU.
So really what was the purpose?
I realize it...
Fear governed this whole thing...
You were fearful of losing me...
I was fearful of leaving you...
Complacency killed it!
You were too comfortable thinking I wouldn't leave.
I was too comfortable thinking I had to stay.
Until that day... I ended it.
Finally fed up. Fuck it.
A ring for no reason.
No respect for its meaning...
A circle representing forever...
Forever is too long to wake up to you everyday...
Emptiness inside... no passion...
No desire... Happiness fleeting...
Routine bullshit... No excitement...
Not even so much as a spark!
I had to leave this emotional hell.
I'm releasing my mind from your jail.
Bondage no more...
Sweet Freedom.
Truth be told I knew it wouldn't work.
You never gave me what I needed...
Just a bunch of grief, aggravation & headache.
Yeah there were some good times.
It was all just a show.
Lying to your "People"
I was on YOU right?
NO. When we met I didn't even know who you were.
All the while pretending to be something you weren't.
The 'Representative' revisited
I pretended to be happy with it.
Potential without a purpose.
I accept my part to blame in this.
I believe you will always be fraudulent.
Putting on a performance for your fans.
Oh well, your burden to bare...
It's over... I don't care...
Like I said Fuck It.
I gave my 110%.
I can look myself in the mirror and be content.
But try as I might...
I'd be just like you, a LIAR
If I said I didn't hope some day you would change...
Sadly, I waited with unparalleled patience
and that moment never came.
© Tisean M. Bell Author of 'Narratives Of A Love-A-Holic'
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