My Mind Speaks... Venting

I have had so much on my mind I need to vent. One of my God Children
said I should blog ... lol... i think it is solely for HER amusement but in any event these are random thoughts, feelings, expressions, music lyrics, movie quotes, and/or whatever else I feel like writing.


Soo... lets see. My time in New Jersey has been quite an adventure... I've met some cool people... some crazy people... some dumb people... some ignorant people... some beautiful people... some cocky ass people... some wack people. Just a mixture of people. I aspire to meet more people who know proper english, aren't cocky for the sake of having 3 letters on their chest, ones who enjoy the arts and not just crankin whatever bullshit these "rap artists" come out with.

Ok off that subject... u know what I hate? I hate when I am talking to someone about my feelings and they constantly say " I feel like... I feel like..." basically trying to analyze me and my feelings. Like NO this isnt about YOU it is about me... so why do you keep tellin me what YOU feel like... until you gain the credentials to be my therapist stop tellin me what YOU feel MY feelings mean. Its annoying and above all it defeats the purpose of me confiding in you or just needing someone to lend an ear.

Currently I have been pumping Finding Forever, Graduation, Love Behind the Melody and Love Experience quite hard. If you haven't really sat down and listened to those CDs pleaseeeeeee do so.

There is a song on Love Behind The Melody called Love Drug that I am feeling so hard right now. One lyric says " you look for me in the daylight with a flashlight cuz I'm your get right" That lyric is so moving to me... it reminds me of that feeling when you first fall in love with someone and they are all you can think about and you are all they think about. it is a beautiful feeling. I constantly wonder how exactly do two people actually stay in that state of bliss and unconditional love. I find that most people love upon condition and that isn't right. Another lyric that relates to this topic is

" My name used to roll off your tongue in the heat of passion... I wish that love was easy and everlasting... maybe you just love too hard maybe I just love too free but when u jumped ship baby u took a piece of me.They say Rome wasn't built in one day so somehow maybe some way you can see past my imperfections and I can just love you for who you are... if time heals all wounds... I'm hopin that you come around soon... Maybe we can try again...." Can we Try again by Raheem DeVaughn.

This is a prime example of how love just goes south after a while because people forget what course they are actually running. Selfishness, jealousy, lack of communication, and lack of refreshing exploration comes into play. I vow that the next relationship I get into will have to definitely be with someone Mature enough to actually be serious about love and less about lust. People THINK they are in love when in actuality they are just in lust... PEOPLE going to the movies out to eat and then finishing off the night with sex time and time again is NOT a relationship!

Don't you want someone WORTH having? I've realized that if I only look a person with a lustful eye they aren't worth my time. If i can't engage in intelligent conversation with you that is more about ideas and LESS about people and trivial topics then the situation won't go far.

I want my next relationship to be filled with more love and less drama... more giving and receiving on both ends and less of me giving my all and getting nothing in return or vice versa. When someone who is about something real and not about games comes along I hope I am notified because most people just don't get that being self serving, lustful, and dishonest aren't really upstanding qualities in a mate.

When someone is ready to actually be loved for who they are and not what they PRETEND to be then I hope to be notified... when someone can actually handle that I make love to the mind and spirit and when those two places are filled with my love the physical aspect with be nothing short of mind blowing and SOUL STIRRING .... rather than SOUL SNATCHING as someone once told me their past relationship was to them. I found that comment disturbing lol however... if u allow it to happen then maybe u deserved it. But I digress....

I remember someone told me I was too honest... someone else even told me I loved too hard... BUT my conscience is FREE because I'm honest... and I love hard because my heart knows no other way... and if you aren't gonna love with ur all then why Love at all? Not only in relationships but friendships as well. I suppose people are so used to dealing with snakes that when they actually receive superior treatment they are scared of it. PEOPLE WAKE UP. Like the saying goes... stop being so used to losing that you dont even know when you have won!

It is a sad cycle. One that I hope to break one day. What happened to when couples took walks in the park, actually sat down to read a book together? Explored a new place or experienced something just a little different? What happened to genuine honest conversation... cuz if your mate isnt your friend then why even give them the title as your lover? That is so backwards.... u can't talk to someone about ur inneromost feelings or desires yet u are constantly on your back or on your knees giving them your temple?

And people wonder why STDS are spreading at an alarming rate. maybe if people stopped thinking true love was beneath the belt instead of in your heart and soul... people wouldn't be spreading all these diseases. A disease just as bad as those is the disease known as self hatred. Love yourself FIRST before expecting love from someone else. If you cant even see the greatness u exude how can u ever expect other people to see it....

I think thats all I have to say today... LOL Good Day Folks!