Walls
I remember the days when positive vibes floated from your lips like butterfly wings Brushing on the cusp of chlorophyll.
You loved me.
I could feel the love trickle down your body like the perspiration from the suns rays Beaming on foreheads.
It stopped.
See, you no longer looked at me in THAT way when I called your name.
You know, THAT way.
I used to be able to see your heart flutter as I spoke to you.
Now the flutter has flat lined...
Like death after pulling the plug of love.
It can no longer breathe on its own.
Suffocated by relentless resentment.
For things of ghosts past.
Haunting your mind.
I knew I was wrong for the things I did.
I shouldn't have yelled and made my words flow like molten lava from the volcanoes of My rage.
I’m sorry.
Human is all I ever was but you made me into Wonder Woman.
I can't fly and save the day every time.
My most unforgivable crime...
Was loving you too deeply.
But having a fear that crippled me.
How could I give you all of me when I didn't even know how to be whole?
I was a fraction divided by fractions of love and affection.
I try to glue back the pieces with each apology but you tell me…
Tell me that I can't keep doing the same things over and over.
Putting you through this roller coaster.
Up and down... down and up.
STOP! You tell me...
Because you can't take me saying I'm sorry again.
But how can you stop me from being sincere.
My only option is to TRY because failure is NOT an option.
But you'd rather see me stagnant and lazy.
Giving up on LOVE because you have given up on ME.
I let you down.
Yeah I know.
I let you down because the love I had for you stemmed from
MORE than pillow talk & meaningless soul swapping.
PURE.
That's what my love was for you.
In the night I sprinkled my white diamonds of love over the black velvet of your skin.
Too Much.
You couldn't possibly bear the burden of having someone love you so much that life Would cease to have meaning if they didn't wake up next to you.
Fairytales.
That's what I believe in but you broke that dream.
Beating me down to believe I was wrong.
So I built these walls.
Built on the foundation of an arctic heart.
Frozen by the irrelevant pumps produced to love you.
I can't give in again.
The pain is too overwhelming.
Imagine someone with Novocain running through their veins.
No feeling.
Numb.
Empty.
That's what you made me.
Because that's all you ever were.
Walls.
© Tisean M. Bell Author of 'Narratives Of A Love-A-Holic' & 'ASC'
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